you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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