Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
