I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
