we have officially lost it.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
