Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
