We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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