My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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