You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
