Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I need help removing her.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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