I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize