I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
