He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
