you traded sex for a burrito?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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