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there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i think i have two assholes
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
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