There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
