i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
