she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
