please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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