the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
