He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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