I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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