You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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