i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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