I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
