K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
