your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
