I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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