i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
