that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
