Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
