I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
