i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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