Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
