Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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