dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
