She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
