I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
