im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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