I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
