You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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