I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
