just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
