Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
