i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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