I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
