his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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