Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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