I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
