I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
