I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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