At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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