how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
