The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
