I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
