he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
