I feel like abortions should bother me more
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
