YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
