Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i now understand why vodka
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
