Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
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she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
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Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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