chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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