I just threw up on my dentist
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
