I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
