Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
