haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
