the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
