i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
