shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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