Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
