i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
