Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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