dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
