is your mom at the bar?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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