90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
