Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
