He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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