a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
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It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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