how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
They took my balls.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
