I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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