your room smells of hookers.
And success
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
