Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize