Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
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its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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