Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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