In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
