Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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