he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
FUCK WHALES
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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